First Phase hit me in an odd way. It seems that most people launch into an edgy blasphemous display of their Satanic aesthetic and newfound identity. While I certainly had my blasphemous and overt displays on an Instagram account for a brief, shameful period of time, that was not the bulk of how my First Phase manifested. Outside of that, the account was one I didn’t want linked to me in any way. I knew cluing everyone in was a recipe for disaster and it still is. My First Phase looked a lot more like “It is my DUTY to read as much as I can and stop the spread of false information!”
I don’t think I ever really tried to “convert” people, but I often had conversations that began like I was trying to. I even did a 5 minute informative presentation on the subject within months of self identifying as a Satanist. I am often concerned this aspect of First Phasing has not left me. While I try to just keep my religion fairly private, I jump at the chance to talk about it to anyone who asks. That love is why I write this blog, and part of the reason I applied for active membership. It alieves some of that concern to note that I am trying to present myself in a manner that is not cliché of a teen Satanist. I am trying to purchase clothes more likely to help me achieve my goals rather than convey Satanism or the metal bands I still like after high school. When speaking about Satanism, I try not to talk about metal at all, which is not because it is wrong to like metal but because it is so cliché I am likely to be dismissed. I put my goals first rather than flaunting the means I use to achieve, or at least try to.
I now cringe in interactions with First Phase Satanists. Even when talking about Satanism rather than a pseudo religion, they seem to just want to have a “Fuck God” party rather than discuss the benefits and finer points of Satanism, and it gets on my nerves. Some older members might be happy to note that not all is lost in the generation most aware of TST. I have met more than one person who already understands the basics of Satanism as it actually is without the information I provide to them. I have met more than one person my age that is either a self identified Satanist that seems to be avoiding the pseudos for philosophical reasons. I have also met many that behave Satanically and find themselves in Satanic literature, yet are not currently interested in self identifying or reading further. While the Satanic religion would be equally valid if there were one or one billion members, it is good to know those of us that only know a post LaVey, post Grotto world are carrying on the mantle. I have absolute confidence that The Church of Satan’s first 100 years will be a cake walk.